I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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