sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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