im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
