You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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