1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
