I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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