wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
