It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize