how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize