i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize