I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
