Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
