I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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