I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
