If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
