its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
