A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
