if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
