my vag is so smooth its legendary
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
