too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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