Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
