I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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