That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
