if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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