I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
