Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
