Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
