Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize