Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
