I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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