Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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