remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
