I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize