hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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