Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
