I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
