peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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