I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
