well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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