She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
