in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
