Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
