I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
