tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
