That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My feet surprised me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
