remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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