i just wanna soil my oats bro
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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