I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
