Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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