its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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