I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
