guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
