...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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