I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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