In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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