Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
sarcasm needs its own font
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
