Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
