well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
